party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
