Whod you bang
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
