my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
