Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize