3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
