I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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