hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
