I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
