Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize