Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
