He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
