It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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