worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's never too late to be topless.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
