Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
