i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im holly from the hills drunk
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
