you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
