now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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