im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
