she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
