I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
