just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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