I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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