He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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