he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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