look no pants
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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