Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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