The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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