I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
