you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
