The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
