he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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