I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
