I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
