I'm really into asian looking animals
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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