just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize