I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
