is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
