just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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