I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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