i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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