wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
