Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
