she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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