just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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