Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
