i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
