so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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