i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
