Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
