is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
