Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
