What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
