Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
