No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
