We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
