I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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