he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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