He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
