every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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