remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
