so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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