You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
