You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
